Extending Grace

In all my years of attending church, one concept I never really “got” was grace. Now, I know that the whole idea of my religion is based on grace but…well, I understand that “supernatural” sort of grace, I suppose. The Grace that comes from the uppercase G and all. But apply it to my everyday? Was out of my reach, or so I thought.

First of all, though many people would say I am caring and thoughtful and mostly kind, I’m also me. This comes with superior expectations of perfection and plowing through on a plan just because it is the plan I have (some may call this bulldozing or steamrolling, I believe). All to say, I am not one to easily extend grace {to myself or others}. I believe that I should be able to accomplish anything, bend anyone to my will, get anything I go after and other people should fall in line and work as hard as me. Which is the suckiest when you find yourself married or raising children. Believe me, my belief system here has helped me to do lots and lots in life but maybe not served me well in my relationships with others. BUT! Grace…

I’ll explain. It all started yesterday morning. I woke up with a schedule. Certain things {lots and lots} needed to be done. Naturally, no one really saw it that way. Sunday had been busy and I didn’t get to plan school for the week or really have any downtime or exercise. I didn’t get to make the muffins that we are eating for breakfast on Mondays. {sigh} It all started with me, you see. I woke up with this agenda and no one knew it and no one really wanted to help to see it through. Monday was another day of non-stop. And it continued because the underlying frantic-ness, angry mommy of the day carried into the night. While I wanted to be done with the kids by 8 so Sam and I could hang out, Lily had other needs. And on another night, it may not have been bad. Even with Sam’s understanding and patience with her, because mine had run out, I still ended my day fuming.

But then the night was over and the next day started. Today. I got some coffee in me. I journaled while Emmy and I ate muffins. The big kids didn’t get up until the sun was out. The sun was out. Somehow we all got out the door on time for school. And the anger and annoyance and vinegar had run its course. It was out. Sleep and reflection and a little help from a blog I read about grace. How we need to, as people, as mothers {especially} extend grace. To our kids. To our husbands. To our family. Most especially to ourselves when we “mess” up or go to bed feeling rotten. I was gifted with grace today when I woke up and worked it out and realized I hadn’t ruined my child or myself or my husband with my unspoken expectations and rules I lay out in my mind. Grace is just forgiveness for our weaknesses and the willingness to reflect and try it again {better} the next day.

And, you know what? Today was tremendously better. And it was all thanks to a little grace.

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